haircuts
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: Colress is a jerk, but that comes with his experience in the bad business. Oneshot.


_haircuts_

Colress could barely keep his smirk in check as Zinzolin and one of the Shadow Triad members forced open his apartment door. It'd been almost a year and a half since Team Plasma 'officially' disbanded, but with angry lawyers and court cases and all, there was still plenty of room for mischief between the cracks, especially with the old men. At seventy-odd years, Zinzolin still upheld his loyalty to the former Team Plasma and the Harmonia family enough for him to be considered 'fun' playing with in times of boredom, which was most of the time when unemployed. And Ghetsis… _well_ …

He snickered as the Shadow Triad member slammed him against the wall. Behind the ninja the old man glared up at him, still wearing that god-awful hat thing. "What did you do to Lord Ghetsis last night?!" he hissed.

Like Colress would admit anything that easily. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"When I visited him at the institution this morning, three nurses and a Pawniard were pulling at his hair. Apparently somehow he had a big wad of gum in it!"

"Well, maybe it was a bedtime snack, Zinzi. People at your age still do it from time to time."

" _It was the size of a golf ball!_ "

"My, how troublesome."

He was slammed again. Zinzozlin looked like he was about to drop dead, but then again photos proved that he looked like he was about to drop dead his whole life. However, his lifeless, panicked expressions weren't nearly as painful for Colress to see as to what he heard next. "Yes, it is troublesome, because the nurses don't trust me to keep taking him out. They keep insinuating that one of us is going to take the other hostage or something. Therefore, it's up to you to take him to the barber. Or else."

The Shadow Triad's hand gently gripped his neck, and Colress rolled his eyes, making annoyed duck lips. Being a reformed citizen was really tough sometimes…

* * *

The only noise in the car was Christina Aguilera belting out her sexy voice. Truth be told, her music was pretty tasteless, but Colress heard from Mei that that was who all of the kids were listening to these days. …no, no. Not Christina. Mei said it was that "Call Me Maybe" girl. But he was pretty sure that both ladies got the same point across.

He was also pretty sure that if this was three years ago, Ghetsis would have already forced the car off of a cliff by now. Present-day Ghetsis was not…less dangerous than he was before his mental breakdown. No. If anything, now that he was appropriately blocked from all of his triggers, he had the freedom to be more dangerous, violent, and forceful than ever.

He was also older and more medicated, but those things didn't really make him into an old man. Nothing like Zinzolin. When therapy thought physical activity to be a way to help him recuperate, they didn't expect him to be taking on every single adult pokemon trainer that he crossed paths with as a sparring partner. And boy howdy, was he the best one-armed ass-kicker in these parts of Unova. But he wasn't the type of old man to go out and feed the birds; rather, he was the kind of guy to strangle the street vendor if they got his hot dog order wrong.

So what was present-day Ghetsis now? Not less dangerous, not a feeble old man, and not a threatening boss anymore. Bald? About to be.

If he snickered right now, though, that cane was sure to hit the back of his skull, so he wasn't about to take any chances. Through those thick, old man glasses, he was positive that Ghetsis was glaring at him. Probably about to destroy his radio, too. Smiling, Colress decided to turn the volume just a little up, asserting his ownership of his crappy car. "Well, Ghetsis, you could say this is another path to a fresh start!" he said, pointing a finger at his former boss. "The nurses said you don't have to have _all_ of your hair chopped off!"

Ghetsis gave him a deadpan stare. It terrified and jiggled his jimmies at the same time. "When they cut my hair, I'm gonna use it to strangle you in your sleep. Remember that."

"Hey, hey, hey, none of that murder hooha talk in my car. I got some fashion magazines in my glove compartment. Mei and Nate left some in my car when I was forced to chaperone for their field trip. Why don't you take a looksee?"

There, that ought to keep him busy for about one to five minutes. As much as he loved poking fun, there was no way he was going to fess up with the gum incident. That would put him on a fugitive status for sure. Instead he contemplated mimicking Christina's notes while Ghetsis grumbled and paged through the fashion magazines. "Why are all these pop models blond?" he growled. "Colress, do you _want_ me to look like some shiny, limber pop star sensation?"

"Not unless you want to suck my dick, sir."

"…get this garbage out of your car!"

The magazines were flung at his face, creating a whole bunch of paper cuts that would sting in the wind. He almost wished that they would've obstructed his vision and he could've just run the car off the cliff, anyway. _Almost._ "Anyway, I'm not too into pop stars myself. There's always the option of having a more natural haircut, like Zinzolin."

Ow, it hurt to be so serious. Ghetsis raised an eyebrow at him. "Why don't you just use an electric razor to shave a bald spot at the top, since that's what you're implying? I'm not gonna live the rest of my life wearing a ridiculous hat like that."

"Noted."

"If you keep making terrible suggestions, Colress, I'm going to throw you out of this car and drive to the barber myself."

"Noted."

"…what kind of hairstyles _are_ you into?"

"Miku Hatsune's. Hmm…when you get the gum out of your hair, it might still be long enough to match hers."

Quickly his fingers went to the radio, searching for "World Is Mine" while Ghetsis looked perplexed. Good. He wasn't about to let this idea go down the drain. It was worth his life.

* * *

 _(Original notes: nothing relevant)_

 _Originally written June 6th, 2016 for Ghetsis Day on tumblr. Colress and Ghetsis have a ? relationship and it's fun but it's also hard to write. I personally find it hard to put them in a s/o relationship, but they make great boss and disgruntled ex-employee._


End file.
